Dear Minnesota: I Want A Divorce

I pledged t’thee when I was young
And life was more unhurried;
But now y’speak a diff’rent tongue
W’speech that has me buried.

Your charms did span the seasons’ range
Through Springs and Summers, Falls;
Then something slow began to change
As Winters took their tolls.

Though vexed I’ve felt at Time’s slow win,
’T’was damp’d by childrens’ patter
But sleds and boots and coats have been
Displaced by keyboards’ chatter.

Alone, now I may count these charms
Which Winter strives to prove
That it is worth my love; alas—
My fingers cannot move.

I watch the smarter people leave
For climes that thaw and nurture
Their love for Minnesota cleaves
As they seek greener pasture.

Now it comes hard ’pon all these years
As we have stayed life’s course
Though it may cause some frozen tears,
I’m af-f-f-fraid I w-w-want a d-divorce.